Pedro Zamora (left) and Judd Winick

As a young gay man growing up in Miami, Pedro Zamora never made the connection between his sexual activity and AIDS until it was too late. Zamora was diagnosed with the deadly virus at 17, and spent the final 5 years of his life as a national AIDS activist, including a 6-month stint as a cast member on MTV's reality show, The Real World.

Fast facts: Through 1998, 27,860 people ages 13 to 24 were diagnosed with AIDS. Total number of AIDS cases through 1999: 733,374. Total deaths: 430,441. Of the 40,000 people who are infected annually with HIV, 25% are younger than 21. Sources: Centers For Disease Control and Prevention, The Office of National AIDS Policy.

If your son or daughter is sexually active at a young age, as Pedro was at 13, who is providing them information about sexual practices and the risk of contracting sexually transmitted diseases? It should be you, because research suggests that children want to learn about their sexuality from their parents, says Kim Miller, PhD, a behavioral scientist and research sociologist in the Division of HIV/AIDS Prevention at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC).

CDC research shows that children are more likely to discuss risks with their sexual partners, and more likely to use condoms, if their parents have talked to them about sex, Miller says.

"If you don't talk to your kids about sex, your message is not getting heard," Miller says. "A lot of times, parents are waiting for their kids to ask. But a lot of times, kids don't ask, so it's important to start talking."

What to do, and how

No one ever talked to Zamora about prevention measures in a language and vocabulary he could understand and relate to, the Cuban-born activist told members of Congress in 1994. Zamora says he would have benefited from lessons about self-esteem, knowing how to use a condom, and how to communicate and negotiate with his sexual partners.

"One thing I try to drive home is self-worth. Young people should know how important they are. We should tell our young people that they don't have to define themselves by having sex,"says cartoonist Judd Winick, who portrayed Zamora's life and death with AIDS in the book Pedro and Me.

Here's a list of suggestions about how you can be a good resource of reliable information about sexual activity, HIV and AIDS for your children:

Talk early and often. Your children start hearing sexual innuendos through TV, movies, and music at a young age, and their knowledge of sex is far less than their curiosity, Miller says. Studies show that educating children about condoms before they become sexually active leads to greater use of condoms as they grow older, Miller says. In an effort to reach kids before they start dating, the CDC is launching a new intervention program called Parents Matter involving 1200 families of fourth- and fifth-graders in Arkansas and Georgia.

"Just get right in there and talk about sex and sexuality. Find out what they are thinking, and if they are not going to tell you, just keep talking and let them know they can come to you at any time without judgment," Winick says.

Monitor your child's activities. Studies show that children are less likely to be involved in sexually risky behavior if their parents keep track of where they are, what they are doing, and whom they are with, Miller says.

Be prepared, and be a good listener. Be there for your children when they have questions. Listen to the question, and be ready with an age-appropriate answer. If your children ask about your own experiences, explain to them that it's your personal business. "Many parents don't talk because they are afraid of what their kids may ask them," Miller says.

Find the right time to start a discussion. A sexually suggestive comment in a TV show or movie can be turned into the basis of a conversation if you ask your son or daughter about their reaction. Miller says she created a "teachable moment" with her daughter when they saw two giraffes mating at a zoo!

Sometimes a book like Pedro and Me can be a launching point for a family discussion about sexuality and prevention of sexually transmitted diseases. Winick and Zamora became close friends when they were roommates during the filming of MTV's Real World in San Francisco. Zamora died at age 22 shortly after the last episode aired in November 1994, and many young adults who never saw the show are interested in learning about his life, Winick says.

"I think Pedro's story has a resonance," Winick says. "Young people are greater at comprehension that we give them credit for. They do get the message, as long as we give it to them."